Gathering Rosebuds
by Marysia Amethyst
Summary: Sam and Josh have a heart to heart (implied slash)


West Wing - Josh/Sam  
Set After '20 Hours in LA'  
  
Gathering Rosebuds by Marysia  
  
  
I had never, I mean really never.  
  
Not that I'm completely uptight about these things. I just never wanted to, or didn't  
realise I did. So I hadn't even really thought about it.  
  
It was that trip to LA and all the gay rights stuff we had been dealing with. Hate crime  
legislations, gays in the army, Ted Marcus. And indirectly Joey Lucas and her terrible  
taste in men. Because that was what started the conversation.  
  
--------  
  
"Why are women always so... inscrutable?" Josh demanded. "You think you know what's going on  
then, bam!" He hit the table for emphasis causing small tidal waves in the drinks. "They're  
screwing some idiot who thinks the President should support anti-flag burning constitution  
nuts. This is all Donna's fault."  
  
Sam grinned. "You're giving Donna the blame?"  
  
"Yes, absolutely. 'Gather your rosebuds' my ass."  
  
"Okay, now you're making no sense at all." Sam leaned back on the sofa. "Besides what are you   
really more pissed about. That she didn't sleep with you or that she slept with Al Kiefer?"  
  
Josh frowned. "Well it's not exactly flattering, she'd rather have Al Kiefer? The guy's an  
idiot! So where does that put me? I don't think I can live with being lower on the food  
chain than Al Kiefer!" He made a face at the thought.  
  
"Face it Josh, women have terrible taste in men."  
  
"Maybe Ted Marcus has it right, cut them out of the equation altogether. Life would be a  
lot simpler." Josh grumped. "I mean if you were gay you'd rather date me than Al Kiefer,  
am I right? Of course I'm right."  
  
For a throwaway statement the look it produced on Sam's face brought Josh's tirade to a  
swift and grinding halt. For a moment they were silent simply looking at one another,  
Josh in confusion, Sam in shock and then embarrassment.  
  
Sam tried to move past the moment but his attempts were marred by a faint blush on his  
cheeks. "Well, sure... I mean given the choice... um, another beer?" He started to get  
up for the kitchen but Josh's hand on his arm stopped him.  
  
"You've though about this before. That's what that look was, wasn't it?" His tone wasn't  
accusatory but half surprise and half curiosity.  
  
"About dating Al Kiefer?" Sam joked. "I'm afraid not."  
  
But Josh wasn't to be deflected. "Seriously Sam, I want to know. Have you?"  
  
Sam sat back down but didn't meet his eye. "Have I what?"  
  
"Have you ever... thought about me in... you know... a non-platonic manner?"  
  
---------  
  
All of a sudden my mind was racing with thoughts it hadn't even known it had. I was looking   
at him and there was this whole new dimension that had appeared, like it had risen out of my  
subconscious. Sam had always made me feel happy and relaxed and just good about life. Now  
it was like I was seeing all the reasons why just looking at him made me feel that way. His  
skin, his eyelashes, the way he rolled his beer bottle between his hands. He licked his lips  
nervously and I had this urge, almost uncontrollable in its novelty, to ... to what? I  
wanted everything at once. I wanted to stroke his cheek and stare into his eyes and at the  
same time I wanted to pin him to the couch and kiss him so hard he couldn't breath.  
  
And this whole transition, this whole paradigm shift took just a second waiting for him to  
answer that ridiculously formal question.   
  
--------------  
  
Sam glanced nervously at Josh out of the corner of his eye before speaking. "I'd be lying  
if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind." Then he looked up properly to see Josh's  
reaction.  
  
For a moment Josh just stared at him, almost in wonder, then he asked, "Just crossed it?"  
  
Sam stood up and started to pace. "Hell, Josh. Fine. More than just crossed it. But what  
does it matter? I really don't think we want to be having this conversation."  
  
"Why not? We're friends, good friends. Why not talk about this?"  
  
"There is no this, Josh. I thought we were talking about you and Joey Lucas."  
  
"I'm done talking about Joey Lucas." Josh stood up too, putting his beer bottle down on  
the table. "I want to talk about this now."  
  
Sam shrugged. "Like I said, there is no this. So I've thought about it. It doesn't mean  
anything. It's not a problem."  
  
"I never said I thought it was."  
  
"What?" Sam stopped pacing and faced him square on.  
  
Josh moved closer to him so that they were only a couple of feet apart. "I don't have a  
problem with you thinking about me in that way. I just want to know how serious those   
thoughts were before I make a complete fool out of myself."  
  
"I still don't understand."   
  
Josh sighed. "Damn it, Sam. Are you gay?"  
  
"I... no. I don't think so." Sam swung away and dropped back onto the sofa. "I don't know,"  
he answered quietly. "I've never been attracted to men before, I've never thought about any  
other guy that way. I even tried to when I started thinking... that way about you. But it   
just doesn't interest me. I can't believe I'm telling you this." He paused. "Have you...  
ever?"  
  
Josh came and sat down next to him again. "It's never even crossed my mind... until now."  
  
"Until now?"  
  
Josh avoided that question, "When did you start thinking... that way, about me?"  
  
Normally Sam wouldn't let him redirect like that, too good a lawyer. But his focus was  
pretty thrown right now. "When? God."  
  
"When? How long?"  
  
"It was... it was that day in New York. You walked into my office and it was like I'd never  
seen you before. Like all of a sudden there was this glow around you. Bartlett wasn't the only   
real thing you talked me into following."  
  
"My God, all this time and I never even noticed? You never said anything?"  
  
"Well of course I didn't say anything. What was there to say? First I didn't even know what  
to think, I thought maybe it was some wierd reaction to leaving a situation I hadn't really  
been happy with. Then I thought I was gay, but I just couldn't get myself to look at any other  
man that way. Then I decided just to ignore it. It didn't matter. We were friends, we were  
co-workers, I saw you every day. I see you every day. We have a great relationship already,  
why mess with it over a little unrequited lust?"  
  
"Lust?"   
  
---------  
  
I felt a surge through my body at that blatant admission of sexual desire. I was almost  
teasing him and I felt... strangely powerful. All this time Sam Seaborn... this amazing,  
attractive, intelligent man... had been lusting after me. They say knowledge is power and  
this new knowledge made me feel like I could do anything. Fuck Al Kiefer, Sam didn't lust  
after him. He wanted me.  
  
Sam looked pretty nervous, like he wanted to bolt. I was grateful we were at his place,  
he'd have looked pretty dumb running out on me here. But I had better do something before  
he pulled himself together and talked me out the door.  
  
---------  
  
"Josh..." Sam started to speak but Josh reached forward and silenced him with a finger   
against his lips.  
  
"Don't say anything yet. I'm gonna do something that may well be a mistake, but I'm just...  
I'm gonna do it anyway. Okay?"  
  
Sam nodded imperceptibly, their eyes never straying from each other.  
  
Slowly, hesitantly, Josh leaned forward and touched his lips to Sam's. For a second they held   
there, touching only at that one point, feeling the press of skin on skin. Then Josh moved  
back just enough for their eyes to meet again. Another second of silent communication.  
  
"Josh?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm giving you three seconds to change your mind and move out of arms reach and after that I   
refuse to be held responsible for my actions."  
  
"I'm going to..."  
  
"One"  
  
"...presume by that you..."  
  
"Two."  
  
"...don't mean you're going to..."  
  
"Three."  
  
"...beat the shit out of me."  
  
"Maybe later."  
  
Then Sam kissed him, hard.  
  
-- End --  
  
I may add to this story but as I have a habit of never finishing things I thought I'd post it  
as a completed no-sex short story. 


End file.
